Jill’s Blog

random rants and raves

E-Harmony has a new program designed for— married people. For married people? Isn’t E-harmony a matchmaker service? I’m almost afraid to ask why they have a program for married people.

This is this week’s question of the week over at WAHM bloggers. I thought, great, an easy one. I know how I measure success, right? I DO know how I measure success, don’t I? I mean, success is… uh oh. I DON’T know how I measure success. Rats. Another week of introspection required to answer the question.

So, I think that the easy answer for me would be “success is fulfilling God’s purpose for my life”. Well, that’s great, but how do I measure that? At the end of the day, how do I know whether today was successful, or not?

At the end of the day, I should ask myself “Today, did I love God to the best of my ability and show that by my actions? And did I love my fellow man (and myself) to the best of my ability and show it by my actions?” If I can answer “yes” to both, that’s a successful day.

So, what does that look like? How does that figure in with my day to day life? When my children had questions, did I answer them and pay attention to them, or did I decide that my blog/Yahoo answers/my email/etc. was more important? Did I make food choices that help me to be healthier and more productive, or did I decide that I just had to have another piece of birthday cake? Did I use my blog or emails to communicate to others in a way that helps them or did I just waste their time? Did I greet my husband in a loving manner with appreciation for all he’s done, or did I greet him with a list of complaints? Did I try to keep my house so that I would feel happy to open my doors to provide hospitality, or did I become ensnared in perfectionistic tendencies that tell me nothing is ever good enough?

Deep down, I think we all know when we’re successful. We know when we’ve had that day that just feels great, when all is right with the world, and we know when we’ve fallen short. Even if we never take the time to define what success means to us, we know how it feels (and we know how failure feels, too). But sometimes it’s good to sit down for a minute and take the time to figure out what measuring stick we’re using. Are we trying to live up to our own expectations, or are we just trying to make others happy?

What do you think— how do you define success?

I think that getting out is key when you’re a stay at home Mom, doubly so when you homeschool, perhaps triply so if you also work at home. So may women make the mistake of thinking that they can’t find the time. But then ultimately they burn out and have to find the time to get a job and put the kids in daycare because “being a stay at home Mom didn’t work out”. Well, even the worst job you could have outside the house recognizes the need for time off. When you work from home, there is no built-in time off— not even for illness. So, what do I do for fun when I do eek out a moment without the kids?

Does grocery shopping by myself count? Seriously, my husband is very good about watching the kids while I get out at least a couple of times each month. I wish I could get out WITH him more often, but that usually doesn’t happen. I try to make it to the gym a couple of times each week— by myself.

Also, I have a monthly book club that meets at Panera’s. We usually stay until they kick us out the door after 9. I’m also joining a new homeschooling group, and they have monthly Mom’s night out meetings. So hopefully I’ll be adding that to my list of things to do. Informally I get together for dinner with friends from time to time. And, finally, I belong to a homeopathy group that meets about once a month to learn more about that fascinating subject. Hmmm. Maybe I get out more than I think.

My 7 year old just told me that he did his best stacking the silverware, and that his best was the best he could do. I was right there with him, thinking “That’s right my best is the best I can do”. Then he quantified it with “Well, it’s the best I can do without taking more time”. When I tried to explain to him that sometimes our true best takes a bit more time, he let me know he just wasn’t interested in investing that kind of time in stacking silverware.

In many ways, he’s right. There are things that we spend far too much time getting perfect when our time would be better spent on more meaningful things. However, there are times when we do have to invest that extra five minutes to get things right. The trick is being able to tell the difference.